Snow. Use It When You Can

9:32 am - It's sunny and cold. Big E and Little E took Gr yesterday and headed for Lake Champlain. So I went out cross country skiing in Arlington. It's the first time I've been on skies in two years. I had fun and since nothing hurts on me, and we got few inches of fresh snow last night, I'm going again today. But right now I'd just like to go back to bed.

11:06 am - Oh boy, real big move, I put in my contacts. I just can't get moving today. I'm not even dressed yet. I'm waiting for Mother to come home, cause she wants to ski with me. If she isn't back by one I'm going t just go without her. I have to do something.

1:56 pm - So I got Mother and we went skiing for an hour. The fresh air, sunshine, and exercise made me feel more alive. Big E called to say they are coming home. He says it's to cold on the Lake for him.

8:40 pm - Everyone is asleep, but me. When Big E is home no one gets to use the couch. I've given up any thought that my marriage includes conversation. After 22 years the best I can say is, he's a good man, and we have a comfortable marriage. Trust me when I tell you that not such a bad thing.

Snow Clean Up

11:46 am - Yesterday was a snow day. Little E and I hung out on the couch and did nothing. Today we are at the office cleaning up the snow. I shoveled, Little E is plowing with the skidster. Big Ed's father did fine yesterday and it looks like he'll finally be getting the new knee in February on the tenth.

9:36 pm - It was a quite afternoon. Little and I had lunch at Chili's and bought some food for tonight at Hannafords. Than we just kind of laid back. I went down to Mother's with Gr to visit with Aunt M. I'm having some trouble with my computer, it's time to get the thing cleaned up.

Sad When Historical Items Aren't Taken Care Of

9:13 am - Big E called and said he needed me in the office to do a bid for a sidewalk. Thank God, because this is good work. After I'm headed to the Russell Collection and some research time on my Arlington, Sandgate, and Sunderland men.

4:17 pm - I left Gr at the shop with Big E while I went to the Russell Collection to work on my research. I found some great info about some of the Arlington men who were members of the local GAR. As a side note I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I am in the condition of the collection. They have priceless items and they aren't being taken care of. The place is disgraceful.

7:10 pm - Big E called from the Weathervane over in Lebannon. He took his parents over tonight, so his father can hopefully get closer to his knee replacement. He dropped them at the hotel [which we had to pay for], and is picking up dinner. He said his mother wrote down their order, because they don't think he can remember. I should have gone with him, but the truth is after five months of this knee replacement, I'm sick of the whole thing.

10:02 pm - Little E came home from bowling with S P and R P. So we are all tucked in here waiting for the snow storm that they say is coming tonight into tomorrow. Gr is acting funny tonight, like he is really tired out, or at least kind of spooked. I'm going to keep an eye on him.

The End of Peace

9:00 am - Beautiful cold clear Sunday morning. To finish off a wonderful weekend I get to watch Sunday Morning on CBS with no one bothering me. They are talking about the rise of memories and I'm reading one right now, "Bayonet! Forward": My Civil War Reminiscences by Joshua L. Chamberlain. Just a reminder that this isn't a new kind of writing. After the shows over I'm going to run to Bennington and do some grocery shopping.

11:52 am - I just met the rarest of all beings in Bennington; a helpful clerk. I'm sorry to say I didn't get the kids name.

10:23 - Remember that damn hot tub. It attracts people. N P seem to going to crash here tonight, which is a good idea after the beer he's been drinking. Well so much for nice quite weekend, with the house being all mine.

Broken Bear

10:06 am - I've got a nice empty house and I'm enjoying it. The feeling of being relaxed is somehow strange to me. I'm watching an old Jimmy Stewart western Broken Arrow on AMC. I've done my laundry and in a few minutes I'll get to work on some research. Best of all I'm not even going to get out of my PJ's.

11:45 am - I broke the only Christmas gift I got this year that I liked or could use. It was a little bear that my Mother gave me, which was to hold toilet paper. I knocked it off the wall and it broke into pieces on the floor. The whole house just shook, when some of the snow and ice just came slidding off the roof.

9:10 pm - I've all the preliminary research of by book done, now comes real leg work. I love this stuff, and can't wait to start spending my time among old books and papers. Big E called and said they had a great day on the ice and caught some really nice fish. It's good to know we've all had a nice weekend.

Dizzy but Happier

8:00 am - I think I might actually get out of the house and do some shopping today. Gr is laying out front in the snow looking toward Mother's house. I know I shouldn't be this way but I'm excited that the guys are going ice fishing for the weekend and the house will be mine.

11:59 am - Wow! I couldn't believe the case of sensory over load I got when I walked into the stores today. Way to much to have to look at and try to take in. Kind of made me feel dizzy. I'm at Friday's for a little lunch. One more store than home. I'm buying something just for me; a new fry pan. Doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

4:35 pm - It's odd to be home without Gr. Big E took him with him ice fishing on Champlain for the weekend. I'm feeling much better today, more like myself. I think I've gotten through another bout of depression. This time was a bad one. Oh well not to dwell. It is 40+ today, but thankfully that wont last. Now that I'm feeling better I'm going to get out tomorrow and enjoy the snow.

6:49 pm - I feel strange tonight, dizzy and light headed. I have no idea what's wrong. I talked to Big E a few minutes ago. It's a wonder he didn't fall asleep talking to me.

10:08 pm I just finished watching the movie Smart People. It's a really good movie, I recommend it. I'm still feeling kind of dizzy, so I think its off to bed, and hope that feeling is gone in the morning.

Catch Up

From January 20th

10:10 am - I had to clean out the pellet stove this morning, because it stopped working. Now I have my fingers crossed it will start back up. There is no place to hide today from the ridiculous circus that is the Obama inauguration. I personally feel we are making fools of ourselves. It is a lovely day with just a little snow and breaks of bright sunshine.

Today January 22nd

8:48 am - My computer is acting up this morning. I haven't written the last couple of days, because I've been battling a bout of depression. I think, I hope the dam broke yesterday. At least at this point I'm doing better.

10:07 pm - I got a lot of work done today, only three men left to do the preliminary research on. I still don't feel just right, but at least I'm moving today, and not having negative thoughts. Big and Little E are both going away ice fishing this weekend, so maybe a weekend to myself and I can get it back together. At least for a little while.

Research and Making It Through Winter

11:05 am - I've been in the office trying to put things together. If I didn't feel depressed before, I've got reason to now. I can see no way for us to make is through winter.

9:41 pm - I spent a wonderful afternoon research the men of Co E. I love to spend time in the late 1800's. We had a good dinner of Venison and mashed potatoes. Little E got home early tonight and it's been a quite night. I've had plenty of time to write. I guess that's the silver lining to Big E's business going through a slow down, I have time to work on my projects. To top off the night and make the best of all evenings, Gr is being very loving.

Keep Moving

7:11 am - I'm up dressed and ready to take Little E up to Sunderland so he can catch a ride to work. His not having a licence is a pain in the ass. The part of my day that is going really well, is that Big E has gone ice fishing today, so I might have some peace.

12:03 pm - I'm listening to a pod cast of Wednesday's NPR Political Junkie. I heard a blurb of a trivia question on this show just before I went to get lunch, back on Wednesday in Duluth. The question was "when did we come close to getting our first African American First Lady"? I have searched for the answer all over the web and haven't been able o find an answer, so I'm listening to the show waiting for an answer. And the answer is Teressa Hines Kerry. Boy what a let down down that answer is.

4:07 pm - I finally got off my butt and did something around here. I made a meet sauce for dinner, got some books ready to ship and combed a knot out of Gr's fur. I know that I'm dealing with a bout of depression. Course knowing it doesn't make being in the middle of it any easier.

10:07 - Just finished watching the first show of a new season of Big Love on HBO. I really like this show. I've got to grab a shower, because I wont have time in the morning before I take Little E to work again. I'm just moving forward.

Miserable Feeling All Day

8:19 am - I just heard that Obama will be taking a train into Washington for the inauguration. He'll be taking the same route Abraham Lincoln took, except Lincoln snuck into town because of an assassination threat. I wonder if Lincoln could have ever thought that 148 years latter an African American man would become President in an America were he didn't have to sneak into Washington.

8:55 am - I feel like crying. I made it real clear to Big E that I wanted to enjoy a day of doing nothing, have no one bugging me. I'd do the laundry and make dinner, but that was it. Well I don't know who I was talking to, because it must not have been Big E. He showed up asking me to fix breakfast, to help him with his hot tub, oh would you get this, you don't mind if I use the quilt off your bed to pack around the hose, etc. The worse part is that if I point this out to him, that once again he is just pointing out to me how little I matter in this world, I'm the bitch.

3:51 pm - I've been miserable all day. I have no reason in life and if I found one Big E would only let me have it, if it worked for him. I hate what I have let my life become. Somewhere over the years I have traded me for...well I'm not sure what I traded me for, but I know I'm lost. How do I get me back.

6:42 pm - How sad is that the high point of my day will be slipping in between nice clean sheet on a freshly made bed tonight. Of course Gr gets to use it first.

9:28 pm - So Little E hasn't come home yet and hadn't bothered to call. I broke down and called his cell to see if he was coming home tonight, to find he is at the Bennington Bowling Lanes. I don't know how I did it, but with that one I raised an un-grateful child, who now that I think about it acts way to much like his father. To top off this wonderful day, I am getting a cold sore. Please tell me that tomorrow will be a nicer day.

Home and Two Days

Yesterday January 15, 2009

5:21 am - I was out of bed and in the car to the airport in under fifteen minutes this morning. At the airport in Duluth and ready to fly home. [I'd still rather be going to Ely.] This is a funny airport, where there isn't much need to rush getting there. You don't go through security until just before boarding the plane. So there is never any reason to rush. It is cold enough here that they called off school. Not a snow day, but a cold day. It is cold enough that are discussing is it is to cold to de-ice the plane.

9:49 am - I had a really short wait in Detroit this morning. Now I'm sitting in first class for the flight into Albany. This has been a pleasant and, after the stress of driving last week, pleasant trip. I have to say this is the only way to travel [at least at this time of year]. Now all I have to worry about is getting out of Albany / Troy and if my truck will start will start after sitting a week at the airport. Wish I could say I'll be glad to be home. I will be glad to see Gr.

11:37 am - We were just told by the pilot that there is a plane with a problem on the runway in Albany. It has the airport temporally closed. If things down there don't change before we get there our plane will be diverted to Hartford. I've never had a plane get diverted before. This will be interesting. OK not Hartford, but Syracuse. Where we will be stuck for at least an hour to get re-fueled and wait for Albany to clear. I'm told we will not get off the plane.

Today January 16, 2009

9:39 am - I just couldn't get enough energy last night to make a post. I don't know why, but I was really dragging. Sunny and beautiful here this morning. Gr was glad to see me, but he was looking for Map. [I'm sorry Gr] I guess I have to get my act together and go to the office. Oh joy.

3:32 pm - Big E is trying to get his hot tub hooked up. I could care less, the thing just means work for me. S P stopped by to hang out with Little E.

10:28 pm - I'm watching Sex in the Civil War. Little E came down stairs to roll his eyes at me, and say Oh of course you'd find something about the Civil War. What can I say I love history. Big E finally gave up the couch and went to bed. I can't say that I amounted to much today.

Cold

9:05 am - -38 out here this morning. I'm nervous about the rental car starting, so I can get to Duluth tonight. The guy came to read the water meeter a few minutes ago and Map went off. I think she learned some bad behavior while she was home with Gr. C just got up and I told him to maybe go start his truck and get it warmed up.

1:37 pm - It was a clear ride down to the city, just a small snow shower in Virginia. I am already missing C, Map, and Ely. It is always so hard to leave. Some day I'm not going to leave. Since I'm town and can't check into the hotel until after three , I'm grabbing lunch at the Olive Garden.

3:31 pm - I got rid of the worst rental car I've ever driven. The tires had no traction at all. The hotel came to get me at the airport, so now I'm in my room, comfortable and warm. I printed my flight ticket [I got an up-grade to first class on one leg] for the morning. So that's it I can just relax the rest of the day. Except I'd still like to be back with C. I really don't want to go home.

Cold and Movies and Last Days

7:52 am - It is wickedly cold out this morning. It is double digit negative. I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere today.

10:56 am - I've been working on my blog posts all morning. C got up a little while ago and he seems to feel about the same as I do about going out in the cold. Course he has to go out tonight for a class at six. I'm going to run out him a thing to block the draft that is coming in around the bottom of the front door. Or maybe I'll just cuddle under another blanket.

4:59 pm - C and I caught and early dinner at the Grand Ely Lodge. He has class tonight at six. Since I'll be spending tomorrow night in Duluth before I fly home Thursday morning, this was my last time for spending time with him. When we got back I started the rental car. It turned over, but hard. Hopefully letting it run and warm up will be enough to get it started tomorrow too.

5:54 pm - I ran down to Pamida and picked up that thing to block drafts. I wound up picking up a couple of movies, "Appaloosa" and Swing Vote,for C and I to watch tonight. It has warmed up to a balmy -10.

10:02 pm - We have finished watching Appaloosa which wasn't bad but kind of slow. Now if C's DVD player doesn't screw up we might get through the second movie. And when C and Map finish their late dinner

A School For Parents

2:24 pm - I took C to school this morning and got his tuition paid. It was fun to walk around the college and have all these people saying Hi to him, or the teacher's calling him by name and asking him to help out a new student. It's so great as a parent to know your child is well liked and respected. One of those few times when you know you did a good job as a parent. On the other hand Little E is a reminder that I didn't do such a good job as a parent. He lost his licence after being caught at a party for under aged drinking. I don't know...

6:29 pm - C has a class that gets over at seven tonight, so I decided to order pizza from Pizza Hut. They deliver out here, which I still find really cool. Plus I can order on line, which is even cooler. What can I say I'm easy to please.

Closed

9:10 am - C and I are heading for Stony Ridge for breakfast [if they are open]. The best most amazing stuffed hash browns. Stuffed hash browns seem to be an upper Minnesota creation. What this is, is shredded potatoes, fried crispy on one side than flipped like a pancake than loaded with meat, veggies,and cheese. They fold the potatoes up like an omelet and top with eggs. It's incredible.

11:36 am - Bummer...Stony Ridge Cafe is closed until May. I am disappointed beyond words. I still got my stuffed hash browns. C and I went to the Grand Ely Lodge. Not nearly and good.

4:32 pm - I just took Map for a walk out around the block. We put her new boots and the coat my Mother map on her. She really looked adorable. I was surprised that the boots didn't seem to faze her at all, but she just kept trying to shake the coat off. Anyhow she sniffed her way around the block and than came in bouncing off the wall. The house smells great right now, I'm baking beer bread.

8:04 pm - The house has settled down at last. Map used by the last of her energy and is now crashed on the couch. C is visiting with friends on line. I cleaned up the kitchen from dinner [the whole loaf of bread is gone]. C friends MW and HC stopped to say hi on their way to campus. It has been a really pleasant Sunday.

Thank God I'm In Ely

9:18 am - I spent the last two days on the road driving C and Map back to Minnesota. Not that it wasn't a fun trip, because I really enjoyed being with C, but winter driving really sucks. We rented a car in Albany [cause I'm flying home], and started west in what became an unpredictable mix of ice, snow, and good dry roads. Driving along, than the car would start sliding and I would think we're going to have to stop soon. Than I'd drive out of it and think better keep going as long as I can while the roads are good. Plus with Map along when we did stop for the night in Toledo, we had to find a place that took dogs. Anyhow with all this we just kept going yesterday, until the three of us finally made Ely last night at eleven. I don't care if I never get in the car again. I think that since C and Map are both still in bed I'm going to take a nap.

3:42 pm - C was up earlier than I thought, so we ran out to Trader Craig's and Pamida's to pick up a new vacuum and stuff to run the snow blower. Than we grabbed lunch at Subway, and bought some groceries at Northland. We came back and C and I cleaned up the snow so we could get the car in and unloaded. I've done laundry and cleaned the house. I'll make us dinner, but for the most part I'm ready to call it day.

9:22 pm - We've had a nice quite night. Ate dinner and watched a movie. I know I'm going to have hard time leaving Ely on Thursday. I really love it out here. I'm going to miss C and Map, and this town. So right now C is flipping channels and Map is sleeping beside me. As soon as I get enough energy, I'm heading for bed.

The Day Before The Drive

2:33 pm - No one is doing much around here today. The weather is awful, cold rain that is freezing onto everything. I've got the truck cleaned out and am packed for the trip to take C and Map home. C still has a lot to put into the truck, but he hasn't even gotten dressed yet. Big E thinks he's getting sick, so I'm glad I wont be around for a week. [I am not the nursing type].

8:43 pm - Well we finally got the truck all packed. Of course was have repack everything at the airport tomorrow when we pick up the rental car. The dogs defiantly know something is going on. They are starting to cling to each other. Our rain has become heavy wet snow in the last couple of hours, and is coming pretty hard right now. I'm thinking that the drive tomorrow wont be a lot of fun. Well I will try to sleep tonight, for my butt will be in drivers seat for the next at least 24 hours. Somehow C's trip here at home with Map has been to short.

Getting a Couple of Things Off My Chest

9:32 am - The dogs are driving me nuts this morning. They keep jumping up a running out the door barking at something, but I don't see anything. I don't think they do either. Gr and I are really ready for Map to go home. At least the guys should be having a good day ice fishing. It is beautiful and sunny.

12:06 pm - I've spent the morning in the the office. I hate being only able to pay off half the bills, playing the pick and choose game of which bill to pay; trying to make money stretch. Then the guys are bugging me, the couple who we still have working. They aren't doing what Big E asks them to, and are just costing us money. I'm going to tell them not to come in tomorrow.

12:59 pm - There's a new menu at Friendly's. It looks bigger, but I think it's just the same stuff with a new layout.

6:21 pm - I still haven't heard anything from Big E and the boys. I'm guessing they had a good day fishing. I don't know if they'll be home tonight or not though. Good thing I went for frozen pizza for dinner. You know all three of them have cell phones, but it's way to much for me expect a call. I've been looking at the painting Big E's sister did of him and his bear as a Christmas gift. We're going to be hanging it over the bar in the kitchen. The thing is ugly, but Big E loves it so I'm stuck with the thing.

10:30 pm - It's starting to snow [beginning of a big storm]. They guys made it home, C caught a fish. That's pretty much all the info I got out of them before Little E went to bed, Big E fell asleep on the couch, and C went into the shower. No body talks to me around here.

At Least The Dogs Have A Life

9:23 am - I can't get myself going. I have no purpose today, nothing left to do that seems to matter. It's pretty sad when the dogs seem to a fuller life than I do.

3:02 pm - I came home to a living room full of boys. Little E was still home, C was back his cousin JP. If I understand what they're talking about, they are going up to ice fishing camp tonight. My best hope is that they will take Big E with them, along with the dogs. I could really use a night to myself.

9:55 pm - The boys did take off, but they left Big E and the pups behind. We went out to Chili's from dinner, and each of the dogs got their own little burger bit. I might as well have been home alone, since Big E walk in laid down on the couch and hasn't moved since. Well the dogs are entertaining.

Crazy Bored

3:18 pm - All the Christmas stuff, but a couple of outside things, are packed away. Big E is yelling at the TV, as his Dolphin's continue to blow their play-off game. Little E went to work this morning up on the mountain, so he got out of having to go to his Grandparents for "Brunch". C is hanging out with his cousins. The dogs are playing and blocking Big E's view of the TV. Yupe it's a really big Sunday around here.

10:25 pm - As strange as this might sound, this blog is saving my sanity. After it's easier to be crazy in a crowd.

I Resolve

9:50 am - I'm trying to get into gear for my day. I really don't feel much like facing the real world. Oh well, I'm sure no one cares what I want or am feeling. So, get my mind off bad thoughts and feelings let talk about New Year's resolutions. I don't normally play this game, but this year I think I need something, some kind of goal. So first I want to weigh 12 pounds less next year that today. I know 12 pounds doesn't sound like much, but it's better than being 12 pounds heavier. I also want to keep donating a dollar a day. Only I learned that trying to find a place every day is just plain stressful, so I will donate only once a month, but the amount will be equal to days in the month. So when December 31st comes around, I should have given away $365.

First Day

1:18 pm - Happy New Year. I hope everyone had a good night and that 2009 will see more ups than 08. It is a bright cold day, a great start as long as your not hung over looking at the glare off the snow. I'm trying to get my house put back into shape and Christmas 08 just a memory. I'm not getting anything done very fast. Some sitting and petting the dogs seems more important.

3:15 pm - Mother had us down for a New Years Day dinner. We were without Little E, who was working on the mountain.

9:58 pm - I finally did get all my Christmas wrap for next year put away, along with my Noel's. That was what I was hoping to get done today, so I'm pretty happy. We had a quite night around here with the guys watching College Bowl games. Now its just me and Map and C, everyone else has gone to bed.