Love Hearts Candy Flowers

9:52 am - Some days it's just not worth trying to write. Yesterday was one of those. We drove home from Gettysburg and didn't get in until after eight last night. The ski traffic coming up through Troy last night was incredible. I really wanted to sleep in, but I had to had to take Little E to work, and than Big E needed something done at the office. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it felt to get home and take a shower. I'm not planning to get a heck of a lot done today, check my email, do a couple of loads of laundry, and go to Bennington for some groceries. I don't even care about making a fuss about Valentine Day. I am just lying low.

2:27 pm - I had lunch at Pizza Hut and than I went through the depressing shopping trip of Valentine Day. All that red, hearts, candy, and flowers, knowing none of it will be coming my way. And yes I am happily married. I did get Valentine Day gifts for Big and Little. I even made Big E a pie.

5:44 pm - They finally got Big's father tucked into the re-hab in Granville. The crappy doctor's assistance over in Dartmouth scheduled an ambulance, arranged for his release from the hospital, but never bothered to contact the nursing home to see if they had a room. I guess Big's brother GP really went off. Bet they all know they aren't dealing with PP anymore. Sure when Big gets home from visiting I'll get the whole story.

10:25 pm - Big and I had a nice dinner. Little got home sooner than I thought he would, and said that he didn't have to work tomorrow. Big told me hie thinks there is a good chance that he'll be getting a job up on Stratton for this summer. That would make things look so much better. I don't normally take any kind of drugs, but tonight I think I'm going to take something to help me sleep. I really need the rest.

Recommended And Not Recommended

7:28 am - I took Gr out so he could pee and now he has gone back to bed call cuddled into my spot. It's going to be a lovely day, but wicked windy.

5:03 pm - I went to see the Cyclorama today. This is an extraordinary work of art. I believe this must be what looking at the work of the masters is like. Whether you like history or not, I would say that getting to view this work is a must do in life. Gr and I just got back in from another trip around the field. We covered Culp's Hill and some of the High Water Mark area, all on foot. Which in truth is the only way to see the battlefield; on foot. I think I might have tired Gr out.

8:29 pm - Big E and I went to the Dobbins House for dinner. I just don't get it about this place. This was our second trip, and nether time could I say that we had any kind of meal which would make me want to return, or to recommend the place. For my money I still like the dinner at the Farnsworth House. Anyhow it's going to be an early night for me. Fighting the wind and all that fresh air has made me sleepy. I'm sad to say that this was my last night in Gettysburg. It's been a nice trip.

Walking the Battlefield

12:20 pm - I spent the morning treading around Culp's Hill. My favorite place on the Gettysburg Battlefield. Big E left us this morning so he could go back to the Sportsmen's Show. So after two and half hours of walking the field we sitting out in a t-shirt at a picnic table writing in beautiful sunny 60+ weather. There isn't any snow down here, so the little wind that is blowing isn't even cold. I couldn't have dreamed a nicer day. Gr and I are going to take a short rest that this afternoon it's off to the Round Tops.

1:49 pm - I've just found that I really like Desperate Housewives

5:09 pm - Gr and I just walked in from Little Round Top. We met a nice talkative guy named Walt between the two Tops. He's a nice gentleman who had retired down here from Long Island. I still can't believe what a beautiful day it is. If it weren't for the pain I've had in my heal since Christmas, this would have been my best day in Gettysburg ever.

10:12 pm - Big E and just got back from the movies. We went to see "New in Town". Cutie movie but I would like this opportunity to apologise to my friends and family in Minnesota.

Ready Set Pack

2:00 pm - Big E took me out for breakfast this morning. We decided to wait until tomorrow to head to PA. This really works well for me, I've had a lot to get done. We spent a couple of hours at the office. I've got dinner started, the kitchen cleaned up and a load of laundry finished, now I've got to run over to Bennington.

5:48 pm - My God the moon is up and it's huge. I've still got to pack our things, but I got caught up other wise. We're watching a movie about the woman who wrote The Yearling. I so wish I could get myself focused and could work harder at my writing. Oh well for now I'm going online to see if the webcam in Ely has any deer.

8:32 pm -Little E is finally home from working at the snowmobile place. I am packed and we are ready to hit the road in the morning.

Poor Gr Puppy

8:20 am - Poor Gr was sick last night. He threw up a couple of times before I could get his door open, Poor little guy. I've got to get somethings to the Post Office this morning, before they close. Than it's off to Bennington to do some running around.

8:49 pm - Big E came home tonight and informed me that we were leaving on our trip tomorrow instead of Monday. Easy for him he doesn't even pack his own bags. I've been running around all night getting things put together to leave. Gr isn't happy, cause he knows we're going somewhere, he just doesn't know he's going too. Wish there was some way I could make him understand that. I've been trying to get my computer running right again. I did a clean sweep and put in virus software, but I don't think any of it has helped.

Stuck In The Office

8:48 am - It's a beautiful cold winter morning. I've got to head up to the office. Big E and I've got to do a bid this morning. It looks like we'll have enough work for another week. That's how the business is going this year, one week at a time.

2:00 pm - Have I ever said how much I hate doing office work with Big E. He never has everything together and ready to go. So I spend most the the day sitting looking at the wall. Oh and that headache is back.

8:15 pm - I made it home around four. It felt so good to be in the house. I got dinner made, the kitchen cleaned, and than kicked back. I am so sleepy tonight, and yet I don't feel like going to sleep.

Father's

7:07 am - Getting up with a headache this morning. Sharp stabbing remitting pain on the right side of my head. Had me lying in bed wondering just what I did with my life. If I kicked off today, what can I say I've left behind. All I could come up with was raising the boys and helping Big E grow his business. That's not bad I guess. I have also thought about my wanting to be a writer. The fact is the only thing holding me back from being a writer is me. If I write, I am a writer. Focus.

8:15 am - Just realized that today was the day fifteen years ago that my Dad died. I really can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe how often I still think about him.

10:20 am - Big E's Father is sick again. And this time his Mother's got something to. He just called and said for me not to come in because he's got to take care of his Father while GP runs his Mother to the hospital. No way is Big E's Father going to be healthy enough for the knee on the 16th.

10:20 pm - I had to wait until nine to pick Little E from his first Crash class. Got home to Big E all upset again. They had to take his Father back to the hospital again. Not that, that's much of a surprise. I just wish this wasn't taking so much out of Big E.

Stress Is A Good Mover

9:18 am - I just can't seem to get moving this morning. Think I'm over whelmed by how much I need to get done. I just want to go back to bed and call it a day.

11:19 am - Nothing like a little stress to get you moving. I have an appointment for a mammogram on Friday and just found out today that I have to see a doctor, first for a piece of paper. So I scrambled and got into NorthShire today. But really how dumb to have to pay for an appointment just for a piece of paper.

1:02 pm - Time for some lunch. I took Gr for a walk at the Manchester Rec, but had to cut it a little short. I gt a muscle cramp in my lower left back. It was a ruff walk back to the truck. After lunch I have to do a little banking that back to the office. It looks like I'm going to make it through the to-do-list.

9:49 pm - Big E got his father how from the hospital. I think his father gave him a hard time coming home. I know his Mother did. Our pellet stove is making a strange noise tonight. At least its not a ringing in my ears, that really makes me feel better. Oh and also my favorite TV show is coming back to TNT on March 8th; Saving Grace

Snow. Use It When You Can

9:32 am - It's sunny and cold. Big E and Little E took Gr yesterday and headed for Lake Champlain. So I went out cross country skiing in Arlington. It's the first time I've been on skies in two years. I had fun and since nothing hurts on me, and we got few inches of fresh snow last night, I'm going again today. But right now I'd just like to go back to bed.

11:06 am - Oh boy, real big move, I put in my contacts. I just can't get moving today. I'm not even dressed yet. I'm waiting for Mother to come home, cause she wants to ski with me. If she isn't back by one I'm going t just go without her. I have to do something.

1:56 pm - So I got Mother and we went skiing for an hour. The fresh air, sunshine, and exercise made me feel more alive. Big E called to say they are coming home. He says it's to cold on the Lake for him.

8:40 pm - Everyone is asleep, but me. When Big E is home no one gets to use the couch. I've given up any thought that my marriage includes conversation. After 22 years the best I can say is, he's a good man, and we have a comfortable marriage. Trust me when I tell you that not such a bad thing.

Snow Clean Up

11:46 am - Yesterday was a snow day. Little E and I hung out on the couch and did nothing. Today we are at the office cleaning up the snow. I shoveled, Little E is plowing with the skidster. Big Ed's father did fine yesterday and it looks like he'll finally be getting the new knee in February on the tenth.

9:36 pm - It was a quite afternoon. Little and I had lunch at Chili's and bought some food for tonight at Hannafords. Than we just kind of laid back. I went down to Mother's with Gr to visit with Aunt M. I'm having some trouble with my computer, it's time to get the thing cleaned up.

Sad When Historical Items Aren't Taken Care Of

9:13 am - Big E called and said he needed me in the office to do a bid for a sidewalk. Thank God, because this is good work. After I'm headed to the Russell Collection and some research time on my Arlington, Sandgate, and Sunderland men.

4:17 pm - I left Gr at the shop with Big E while I went to the Russell Collection to work on my research. I found some great info about some of the Arlington men who were members of the local GAR. As a side note I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I am in the condition of the collection. They have priceless items and they aren't being taken care of. The place is disgraceful.

7:10 pm - Big E called from the Weathervane over in Lebannon. He took his parents over tonight, so his father can hopefully get closer to his knee replacement. He dropped them at the hotel [which we had to pay for], and is picking up dinner. He said his mother wrote down their order, because they don't think he can remember. I should have gone with him, but the truth is after five months of this knee replacement, I'm sick of the whole thing.

10:02 pm - Little E came home from bowling with S P and R P. So we are all tucked in here waiting for the snow storm that they say is coming tonight into tomorrow. Gr is acting funny tonight, like he is really tired out, or at least kind of spooked. I'm going to keep an eye on him.

Broken Bear

10:06 am - I've got a nice empty house and I'm enjoying it. The feeling of being relaxed is somehow strange to me. I'm watching an old Jimmy Stewart western Broken Arrow on AMC. I've done my laundry and in a few minutes I'll get to work on some research. Best of all I'm not even going to get out of my PJ's.

11:45 am - I broke the only Christmas gift I got this year that I liked or could use. It was a little bear that my Mother gave me, which was to hold toilet paper. I knocked it off the wall and it broke into pieces on the floor. The whole house just shook, when some of the snow and ice just came slidding off the roof.

9:10 pm - I've all the preliminary research of by book done, now comes real leg work. I love this stuff, and can't wait to start spending my time among old books and papers. Big E called and said they had a great day on the ice and caught some really nice fish. It's good to know we've all had a nice weekend.

Dizzy but Happier

8:00 am - I think I might actually get out of the house and do some shopping today. Gr is laying out front in the snow looking toward Mother's house. I know I shouldn't be this way but I'm excited that the guys are going ice fishing for the weekend and the house will be mine.

11:59 am - Wow! I couldn't believe the case of sensory over load I got when I walked into the stores today. Way to much to have to look at and try to take in. Kind of made me feel dizzy. I'm at Friday's for a little lunch. One more store than home. I'm buying something just for me; a new fry pan. Doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

4:35 pm - It's odd to be home without Gr. Big E took him with him ice fishing on Champlain for the weekend. I'm feeling much better today, more like myself. I think I've gotten through another bout of depression. This time was a bad one. Oh well not to dwell. It is 40+ today, but thankfully that wont last. Now that I'm feeling better I'm going to get out tomorrow and enjoy the snow.

6:49 pm - I feel strange tonight, dizzy and light headed. I have no idea what's wrong. I talked to Big E a few minutes ago. It's a wonder he didn't fall asleep talking to me.

10:08 pm I just finished watching the movie Smart People. It's a really good movie, I recommend it. I'm still feeling kind of dizzy, so I think its off to bed, and hope that feeling is gone in the morning.

Catch Up

From January 20th

10:10 am - I had to clean out the pellet stove this morning, because it stopped working. Now I have my fingers crossed it will start back up. There is no place to hide today from the ridiculous circus that is the Obama inauguration. I personally feel we are making fools of ourselves. It is a lovely day with just a little snow and breaks of bright sunshine.

Today January 22nd

8:48 am - My computer is acting up this morning. I haven't written the last couple of days, because I've been battling a bout of depression. I think, I hope the dam broke yesterday. At least at this point I'm doing better.

10:07 pm - I got a lot of work done today, only three men left to do the preliminary research on. I still don't feel just right, but at least I'm moving today, and not having negative thoughts. Big and Little E are both going away ice fishing this weekend, so maybe a weekend to myself and I can get it back together. At least for a little while.

Research and Making It Through Winter

11:05 am - I've been in the office trying to put things together. If I didn't feel depressed before, I've got reason to now. I can see no way for us to make is through winter.

9:41 pm - I spent a wonderful afternoon research the men of Co E. I love to spend time in the late 1800's. We had a good dinner of Venison and mashed potatoes. Little E got home early tonight and it's been a quite night. I've had plenty of time to write. I guess that's the silver lining to Big E's business going through a slow down, I have time to work on my projects. To top off the night and make the best of all evenings, Gr is being very loving.

Keep Moving

7:11 am - I'm up dressed and ready to take Little E up to Sunderland so he can catch a ride to work. His not having a licence is a pain in the ass. The part of my day that is going really well, is that Big E has gone ice fishing today, so I might have some peace.

12:03 pm - I'm listening to a pod cast of Wednesday's NPR Political Junkie. I heard a blurb of a trivia question on this show just before I went to get lunch, back on Wednesday in Duluth. The question was "when did we come close to getting our first African American First Lady"? I have searched for the answer all over the web and haven't been able o find an answer, so I'm listening to the show waiting for an answer. And the answer is Teressa Hines Kerry. Boy what a let down down that answer is.

4:07 pm - I finally got off my butt and did something around here. I made a meet sauce for dinner, got some books ready to ship and combed a knot out of Gr's fur. I know that I'm dealing with a bout of depression. Course knowing it doesn't make being in the middle of it any easier.

10:07 - Just finished watching the first show of a new season of Big Love on HBO. I really like this show. I've got to grab a shower, because I wont have time in the morning before I take Little E to work again. I'm just moving forward.

Miserable Feeling All Day

8:19 am - I just heard that Obama will be taking a train into Washington for the inauguration. He'll be taking the same route Abraham Lincoln took, except Lincoln snuck into town because of an assassination threat. I wonder if Lincoln could have ever thought that 148 years latter an African American man would become President in an America were he didn't have to sneak into Washington.

8:55 am - I feel like crying. I made it real clear to Big E that I wanted to enjoy a day of doing nothing, have no one bugging me. I'd do the laundry and make dinner, but that was it. Well I don't know who I was talking to, because it must not have been Big E. He showed up asking me to fix breakfast, to help him with his hot tub, oh would you get this, you don't mind if I use the quilt off your bed to pack around the hose, etc. The worse part is that if I point this out to him, that once again he is just pointing out to me how little I matter in this world, I'm the bitch.

3:51 pm - I've been miserable all day. I have no reason in life and if I found one Big E would only let me have it, if it worked for him. I hate what I have let my life become. Somewhere over the years I have traded me for...well I'm not sure what I traded me for, but I know I'm lost. How do I get me back.

6:42 pm - How sad is that the high point of my day will be slipping in between nice clean sheet on a freshly made bed tonight. Of course Gr gets to use it first.

9:28 pm - So Little E hasn't come home yet and hadn't bothered to call. I broke down and called his cell to see if he was coming home tonight, to find he is at the Bennington Bowling Lanes. I don't know how I did it, but with that one I raised an un-grateful child, who now that I think about it acts way to much like his father. To top off this wonderful day, I am getting a cold sore. Please tell me that tomorrow will be a nicer day.

Home and Two Days

Yesterday January 15, 2009

5:21 am - I was out of bed and in the car to the airport in under fifteen minutes this morning. At the airport in Duluth and ready to fly home. [I'd still rather be going to Ely.] This is a funny airport, where there isn't much need to rush getting there. You don't go through security until just before boarding the plane. So there is never any reason to rush. It is cold enough here that they called off school. Not a snow day, but a cold day. It is cold enough that are discussing is it is to cold to de-ice the plane.

9:49 am - I had a really short wait in Detroit this morning. Now I'm sitting in first class for the flight into Albany. This has been a pleasant and, after the stress of driving last week, pleasant trip. I have to say this is the only way to travel [at least at this time of year]. Now all I have to worry about is getting out of Albany / Troy and if my truck will start will start after sitting a week at the airport. Wish I could say I'll be glad to be home. I will be glad to see Gr.

11:37 am - We were just told by the pilot that there is a plane with a problem on the runway in Albany. It has the airport temporally closed. If things down there don't change before we get there our plane will be diverted to Hartford. I've never had a plane get diverted before. This will be interesting. OK not Hartford, but Syracuse. Where we will be stuck for at least an hour to get re-fueled and wait for Albany to clear. I'm told we will not get off the plane.

Today January 16, 2009

9:39 am - I just couldn't get enough energy last night to make a post. I don't know why, but I was really dragging. Sunny and beautiful here this morning. Gr was glad to see me, but he was looking for Map. [I'm sorry Gr] I guess I have to get my act together and go to the office. Oh joy.

3:32 pm - Big E is trying to get his hot tub hooked up. I could care less, the thing just means work for me. S P stopped by to hang out with Little E.

10:28 pm - I'm watching Sex in the Civil War. Little E came down stairs to roll his eyes at me, and say Oh of course you'd find something about the Civil War. What can I say I love history. Big E finally gave up the couch and went to bed. I can't say that I amounted to much today.

The Day Before The Drive

2:33 pm - No one is doing much around here today. The weather is awful, cold rain that is freezing onto everything. I've got the truck cleaned out and am packed for the trip to take C and Map home. C still has a lot to put into the truck, but he hasn't even gotten dressed yet. Big E thinks he's getting sick, so I'm glad I wont be around for a week. [I am not the nursing type].

8:43 pm - Well we finally got the truck all packed. Of course was have repack everything at the airport tomorrow when we pick up the rental car. The dogs defiantly know something is going on. They are starting to cling to each other. Our rain has become heavy wet snow in the last couple of hours, and is coming pretty hard right now. I'm thinking that the drive tomorrow wont be a lot of fun. Well I will try to sleep tonight, for my butt will be in drivers seat for the next at least 24 hours. Somehow C's trip here at home with Map has been to short.

Getting a Couple of Things Off My Chest

9:32 am - The dogs are driving me nuts this morning. They keep jumping up a running out the door barking at something, but I don't see anything. I don't think they do either. Gr and I are really ready for Map to go home. At least the guys should be having a good day ice fishing. It is beautiful and sunny.

12:06 pm - I've spent the morning in the the office. I hate being only able to pay off half the bills, playing the pick and choose game of which bill to pay; trying to make money stretch. Then the guys are bugging me, the couple who we still have working. They aren't doing what Big E asks them to, and are just costing us money. I'm going to tell them not to come in tomorrow.

12:59 pm - There's a new menu at Friendly's. It looks bigger, but I think it's just the same stuff with a new layout.

6:21 pm - I still haven't heard anything from Big E and the boys. I'm guessing they had a good day fishing. I don't know if they'll be home tonight or not though. Good thing I went for frozen pizza for dinner. You know all three of them have cell phones, but it's way to much for me expect a call. I've been looking at the painting Big E's sister did of him and his bear as a Christmas gift. We're going to be hanging it over the bar in the kitchen. The thing is ugly, but Big E loves it so I'm stuck with the thing.

10:30 pm - It's starting to snow [beginning of a big storm]. They guys made it home, C caught a fish. That's pretty much all the info I got out of them before Little E went to bed, Big E fell asleep on the couch, and C went into the shower. No body talks to me around here.